iPhone bashing time people!!!

I've held back long enough. It's pretty evident that I'm pro Android (not an Android pro. Just, you know, FOR Android), but I've never really been "anti" iPhone per say. It's still a great device, highly popular, and I wouldn't have an Android to speak of if it wasn't for Steve and the iPhone. I saw this video about the new stuff coming out with iOS5, and figured I'd try to give the other guys a chance and learn something about iPhone (since I don't know much about it, which is why I've never "strongly" commented on it).I'm going to put some links of precise times of the video, but not everywhere. So you should have 2 windows open and watch the video and read at the same time. Yeah, I know. But that's why god gave you 2 eyes, dumb ass. (and yes, god is not "capitalized" (i.e. God). But that's another post, for another time).

First off, is it me, or does the GUI of the iPhone look a lot like a Windows product? It's all bubbly and blue and shit. Based on the rest of the information from this video, I'm guessing you probably can't change that, either.  We all know how customizable iPhone's are.


10 seconds into the video, and they mention the BRAND NEW functionality of having a notification bar? Really? Didn't have that already? Android has had it since the beginning. Shheeez. I remember people complaining of the crazy pop-ups, but I figured Apple had fixed that by now. Oh well, welcome to the 21st century, iPhone.

Then, at this point in the video, he mentions not being able to get rid of an icon on one of the home screens. Really? No, I mean, come on, seriously? You CAN'T GET RID OF ICONS ON YOUR HOME SCREEN? YOUR home screen? As in, the one that belongs to YOU? Surely, he must be kidding (I'm pretty sure his name is shurly). Fuck. How is it that anyone who has an iPhone and just glances at an Android not switch immediately? HOW??? The video continues with another app you can't get rid of. How many of these are there for fuck's sake? Are any apps on your home screen YOURS? Or are they "mandated" by god (hehe, see what I did there?).

Now, a "reminders" app? That's big news? Maybe I should be more pissed at this hippy doing the review. But come on. There's already a shitload of Android apps that do "reminders" AND they sync with your calendar and email just like this new app. Oh wait. That's right. THERE IS NO ITUNES EMAIL!!! Fuck. Seriously? I keep forgetting about that one. I wonder what iMail looks like?

Apparently you can crop pictures now. CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS iPhone! Wow. Here's what I found on how to do it prior to the revolutionary changes in iOS5:

While viewing the photo you wish to crop, use your fingers on the iPhone’s screen to zoom in as much as necessary to eliminate the undesirable background item(s). Then do a screen capture by clicking the on/off button while holding down the Home button. Your new screen capture — the cropped photo you wanted — has now been saved to your photo collecton!

Nice. Real fucking nice. How about just a "crop" function, like, 5 years ago on the first Android that had a camera. How about it, fuckwad? I think I should stop watching now. My heart pressure is going up.

Meh. Maybe not. So, I hear you can do "tabbed browsing" now, Mr. iPhone. How quaint. What? No? Oh, just on the iPad. REALLY? JUST ON THE IPAD? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! Will this shit ever end? This is only the first video of iPhone "features" that I watch (yeah, features is in brackets, 'cause I think my Palm Pilot had more "features" that this piece of shit). What if I dig deeper? Better not.

Ok. Please tell me you could see more than a months view of your calendar before. Please. Please? I'm begging here.Oh, you know what, fuck it. I'm done. Fine, my battery is a little weak. But at least I can CHANGE MY FUCKING BATTERY when it dies!!! And add a fucking SD card!!! And watch Flash videos!!! And have widgets on my home screens after I delete icons I don't want!!! And, and, and...
Fuck it. I'm done. Not even going to finish the video now. I need a drink.

EDIT: I did some more research, and found this, which I forgot about in my rant. I mean, I really need to keep a list handy for when people ask why I think Android is better than iPhone.

At long last, the most important feature of them all: You will not need iTunes and PC anymore to use your iPhone, iPod touch or iPad. Apple has caught up with Android and Windows Phone 7. The new iOS 5 will allow you to set up your new device easily: Turn your new gadget on and a Welcome screen will appear. All software updates will happen over the air.
All the applications will now be completely autonomous. You will not have to go to iCal or some other desktop app to create a calendar, for example. There is no need for a desktop or laptop anymore, for anything.

You. Suck. iPhone.